Is it possible to control your temper

And when you do get caught — look out! This is where you take action by choosing one of the three things you could do. Look at the list and pick the one that is likely to be most effective. Ask yourself: What's my best choice?

By the time you've thought it through, you're probably past yelling at your mom, which is a knee-jerk response. You may have also decided that sneaking out is too risky. Neither of these options is likely to get you to the party. So option b probably seems like the best choice. After you've acted and the situation is over, spend some time thinking about how it went.

Ask yourself: How did I do? Did things work out as I expected? If not, why not? Am I satisfied with the choice I made?

Taking some time to reflect on how things worked out after it's all over is a very important step. It helps you learn about yourself and it allows you to test which problem-solving approaches work best in different situations. Give yourself a pat on the back if the solution you chose worked out well. If it didn't, go back through the five steps and see if you can figure out why. These five steps are pretty simple when you're calm, but are much tougher to work through when you're angry or sad kind of like in basketball practice when making baskets is much easier than in a real game when the pressure is on!

So it helps to practice over and over again. The five-step approach is good when you're in a particular situation that's got you mad and you need to decide what action to take. But other things can help you manage anger too. Try these things even if you're not mad right now to help prevent angry feelings from building up inside. Sometimes anger is a sign that more is going on.

People who have frequent trouble with anger, who get in fights or arguments, who get punished, who have life situations that give them reason to often be angry may need special help to get a problem with anger under control. Tell your parents, a teacher, a counselor, or another adult you trust if any of these things have been happening:. These could be signs of depression or something else — and you shouldn't have to handle that alone. Anger is a strong emotion. It can feel overwhelming at times.

Learning how to deal with strong emotions — without losing control — is part of becoming more mature. It takes a little effort, a little practice, and a little patience, but you can get there if you want to. Larger text size Large text size Regular text size. When Tempers Flare Do you lose your temper and wonder why? Getting Ready to Make a Change Deciding to get control of your anger — rather than letting it control you — means taking a good hard look at the ways you've been reacting when you get mad.

Here's what to do: 1 Identify the problem self-awareness. For example, in this situation you might think: a I could yell at Mom and throw a fit. For example: a Yelling at your mom may get you in worse trouble or even grounded.

Once you choose your solution, then it's time to act. Lots of research has shown that exercise is a great way to improve your mood and decrease negative feelings. Listen to music with your headphones on.

Music has also been shown to change a person's mood pretty quickly. And if you dance, then you're exercising and it's a two-for-one. Write down your thoughts and emotions. You can write things in lots of ways; for example, in a journal or as your own poetry or song lyrics. When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to think about the situation.

Ask yourself:. Learning how to resolve conflict in a positive way will help you strengthen your relationships rather than damaging them. Always fight fair. Fighting fair allows you to express your own needs while still respecting others. Make the relationship your priority. Respect the other person and their viewpoint. Focus on the present. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem. Be willing to forgive.

Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives. Take five if things get too heated. If your anger starts to spiral out of control, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as long as it takes you to cool down.

Know when to let something go. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on. Taking care of your overall mental and physical well-being can help ease tension and diffuse anger problems.

Manage stress. Try practicing relaxation techniques such as mindfulness meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or deep breathing. Talk to someone you trust.

Nothing eases stress more effectively than chatting face-to-face with a friend or loved one. But talking about your feelings and seeking a different perspective on a situation is not the same as venting.

Simply venting your anger at someone will only fuel your temper and reinforce your anger problem. Get enough sleep. A lack of sleep can exacerbate negative thoughts and leave you feeling agitated and short-tempered.

Try to get seven to nine hours of good quality sleep. Exercise regularly. Be smart about alcohol and drugs. They lower your inhibitions and can make it even harder to control your anger. Even consuming too much caffeine can make you more irritable and prone to anger. When things get tense, humor and playfulness can help you lighten the mood, smooth over differences, reframe problems, and keep things in perspective. When you feel yourself getting angry in a situation, try using a little lighthearted humor.

Avoid sarcasm, mean-spirited humor. If in doubt, start by using self-deprecating humor. We all love people who are able to gently poke fun at their own failings. Even if the joke falls flat or comes out wrong, the only person you risk offending is yourself.

When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, a potential conflict can even become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy. Anger management classes allow you to meet others coping with the same struggles and learn tips and techniques for managing your anger. Therapy , either group or individual, can be a great way to explore the reasons behind your anger and identify triggers.

Therapy can also provide a safe place to practice new skills for expressing anger. If you are abusive towards your spouse or partner, know that you need specialized treatment, not regular anger management classes. Controlling Anger Before it Controls You — Origins of excessive anger, tips on coping, and when to seek more help. American Psychological Association.

Psychology Today. When You Love an Angry Person — Tips on fighting fair, ways to approach a loved one, and when to seek more help.

Get Your Angries Out. This holiday season alone, millions of people will turn to HelpGuide for free mental health guidance and support. As you tense and release, take slow, deliberate breaths.

Find a word or phrase that helps you calm down and refocus. Neck rolls and shoulder rolls are good examples of nonstrenuous yoga-like movements that can help you control your body and harness your emotions.

No fancy equipment required. Slip into a quiet room, close your eyes, and practice visualizing yourself in a relaxing scene. Focus on details in the imaginary scene: What color is the water? How tall are the mountains? What do the chirping birds sound like? This practice can help you find calm amidst anger.

Let music carry you away from your feelings. Put in earbuds or slip out to your car. Crank up your favorite music and hum, bop, or sashay your anger away. Pretend your lips are glued shut, just like you did as a kid.

This moment without speaking will give you time to collect your thoughts. Give yourself a break. Sit away from others. In this quiet time, you can process events and return your emotions to neutral. You may even find this time away from others is so helpful you want to schedule it into your daily routine.

Harness your angry energy. Sign a petition. Write a note to an official. Do something good for someone else. Processing it through the written word can help you calm down and reassess the events leading up to your feelings. You might be angry that your child has once again left their room a mess before going to visit a friend. Shut the door.